Even connoisseurs of low-budget alien invasion flicks will be hard-pressed to recall one in which the weapon of choice for Earth's champion is a Swiss army knife. This alone makes The Colony a prime candidate for cheesiest movie ever shown on the Sci-Fi Channel. Consider the opening credits--a naked blonde dances in slo-mo, languidly running her slender fingers over her--well, let's just say that what we're supposed to get from this dance solo is that the aliens are intrigued by the sensual possibilities of assuming human form. O-o-kay.... In any event, the premise here is that aliens have chosen Earth as their next target for invasion; quite naturally, they've decided that Southern California provides the optimum beachhead.
Our champion (Michael Weatherly) is one of four earthlings taken hostage aboard an orbiting space station by the alien invasion force. He and his companions have been abducted for study by an alien doctor, gamely, if not convincingly, portrayed by Isabella Hofmann. Of course, all the technical wizardry of a galaxy far, far away doesn't stand a chance against the Swiss army knife. The discerning viewer, therefore, will quickly overlook the plot to consider the deeper thematic question in The Colony--namely, why is our planet so often saved by blondes from Los Angeles? --Stephan Magcosta
